Goodbye

A song to fit the mood:

I was reading through my blog posts from last fall when I was terribly homesick for Bentonville. I remember feeling so lost and yearning for all the comforts of home. The experience of arriving in London alone, having never been, with two big bags on the doorstep in South Kensington was so surreal. It took a few months for it all to sink in. Now that I've been here for over a year, I don't want to go home. 

I miss my family and friends, but London is so full of life and unending places to explore. I don't think I've taken much for granted now as I'm contemplating  all I've done. I knew that this year would be one of the best years of my life, but I'm not sure I was expecting to be so heartbroken at the end. There is nothing better than just walking through the streets and getting lost. Until you live in London it is hard to explain the draw that the city has. This last week I've been saying goodbye to all my favorite places and taking mental pictures so I can think back to it; I think those can sometimes be better than pictures on a camera. I'll never forget the way Embankment looks at night when the water is lit by St Paul's, Parliament, and the Southbank lights, or the way it smells when you walk through Borough Market in the winter.

I feel so blessed for the friends I've made here- you all know who you are- and I know that even though our lives are taking us in different directions we will still be lifelong friends. 

I stepped away from Bentonville last August and was on my own for the first time in my life. Since then, I've learned what it means to stand on my own two feet. There is a song by the Weepies that says:

"Yesterday when you were young everything you needed done was done for you. Now you do it on  your own, but you find you're all alone- what else can you do? You and me walk on, walk on, walk on, cause you can't go back now... The only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself."

I'm going back to Arkansas and moving forward, but I think part of me will always consider London a home. I can look back on this year and know that I worked my hardest in school, experienced the city (and plenty of others in Europe) and made friendships and memories that I'll never forget. 

By fall the clothes of the town changed 

and I found a new place to call home

I fell in love with a city-

Places and moving water,

The changes in weather,

and the curve of the streets like the 

contours on a face.

With veins full of red boxes

and a clock tower to show me back to the bank

Lit up bridges led me straight to her heart

I saw the city moving sideways 

through a window of blurred lines.

I took London Town as my own,

and she showed me how to Live. 

Now home is not home,

and my left is right

I left part of my heart in the Thames

and promised I'd return.

Cheers, y'all

Carly