A new gift idea for your loved ones: Graduate School Barbie (TM).
Graduate School Barbie comes in two forms: Delusional Master's Barbie (TM) and Ph. D. Masochist Barbie (TM).
Every Graduate School Barbie comes with these fun filled features guaranteed to delight and entertain for hours: Grad School Barbie comes out of the box with a big grin on her face that turns into a frown after two weeks of reading 80 pages a day or her first advisor meeting (whichever comes first). She also has adorable black circles under her bloodshot eyes.
Comes with two outfits: a grubby pair of blue jeans and 5 year old tank top, and a floppy pair of gray sweatpants with a London tourist t-shirt. Other accessories include Barbie's own passport for European travel, reading glasses, and a Kindle for tube travel. Grad School Barbie talks! Just press the button on her left hand and hear her say such upbeat grad school phrases like, "Yes, Professor, it'll be done by tomorrow", "Gender is a social construct", "These views are being perpetuated by binary points of discourse", "I'd love to rewrite" and "Why didn't I just get a job, i could've been making 40k a year by now." (9v lithium batteries sold separately.)
Grad School Barbie is anatomically correct to teach kids about the exciting changes that come with pursuing a higher education. Removable panels on Barbie's head and torso allow you to watch as her cerebellum fries to a crispy brown, her heart races to 200 beats per minute, and her stomach lining gradually dissolves to nothing. Deluxe Barbie comes with specially designed eye ducts. Just add water, and watch Grad School Barbie burst into tears at random intervals. Fun for the whole family!
Other accessories include:
Grad School Barbie's Fun Fridge (TM) Well stocked with microwave meals, Coca-Cola, Red Bull, Healthy Choice Ham (99% fat free!), and a small bottle of Mattel Brand Rum (TM).
Grad School Barbie's Medicine Cabinet comes in Fabulous (peptobismal) pink and contains Barbie sized bottles of Tylenol, Zantac, and your choice of three fun anti-anxiety drugs! (Barbie Medicine Cabinet not available without a prescription).
Grad School Barbie's Computer Workstation. Comes with obsolete Macbook in pink, rickety desk, and stacks of class readings to decorate your workstation with (Tech support sold separately).
And Grad School Barbie is not alone! Order now and you'll get two of Barbie's great friends! Graduate Advisor Ken (TM), Barbie's mentor and advisor in her quest for knowledge, higher education and decreased self-esteem. Grad Advisor Ken comes with a supply of red pens and a permanent frown. Press the button to hear Grad Advisor Ken deliver such wisdom to Barbie as "I need an update on your progress," "It could be really great, or really really boring", and "This is no where ready for publication."
Buy 3 or more dolls and you can have Barbie's Thesis Meeting Committee! (Palm Pilot and tenure sold separately.)
Real Job Skipper (TM) When Barbie needs to talk, she knows that she can always count on her good friend Real Job Skipper, who got a job after getting her bachelor degree. Press the button to hear Skipper say, "Sometimes I wish I'd went for my masters degree" and "Work is so hard! I worked half an hour overtime!" and "I went to bed last night at 8 o'clock!" Real Job Skipper's Work Wardrobe and Savings account sold separately.
(Warning: Do not place Grad Student Barbie and Real Job Skipper close to each other, as there have been several cases of children leaving the room and coming back to find Barbie's hands mysteriously fused to Skipper's throat.)
Our thesis is officially due today, so I thought I'd repost my own version of this parody.
Negative?- maybe. Funny- yes! While I've enjoyed traveling and exploring London, I am SO GLAD the academic side of it is over! YAY!!!
Cheers, y'all!
Carly
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