Lost in London

I'm walking through the tube station and thinking, “I cannot wait 'til I go home for Christmas, things will be great once I land in NWA. I can't wait to leave.” I came to London to explore and be adventurous. Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm still waiting for it to all begin. What is wrong with me? IT HAS BEGUN! I cannot tell you how many times I have woken up in the last week and thought, “Just __ more days til I am in ____!” Fill in the blank with Bentonville, Fayetteville, my house, with friends at Clems, in Dallas with Clo, etc. Places I loved. Places I still love. Places I miss. Places that my friends here are certainly tired of hearing me talk about.

Iron and Wine put it best, “everything looks perfect from far away.” They probably weren't singing about my hometown, but hey- works for me. 

I'M LIVING IN LONDON. 

BE HERE.

BE HERE.

My loyalty and love of home is my greatest strength and my greatest flaw. I have learned new things since I moved to London, talked to strangers, made new friends, and found how to love a new home. But I can't get the old one out of mind, I have trouble appreciating the home I've made here. I've taken it for granted a thousand times, I know. 

Sometimes I take a look at where I am in my life and think that maybe this could be the future, that I could maybe live here forever. I love London. I could be happy here for a long time. Then I remember I have my life somewhere else, too. I feel like I have pieces of me scattered in all the places I’ve been to. 

I don't know what I want from life, maybe this time of travel is about finding what that is. I feel like I was more sure before I left, but maybe the uncertainty is a good thing. I was hoping to narrow my career path- so naive, I've broadened it!  Now, there are more questions than all the answers I've been searching for, and a bank account that has lost a few pounds (no pun intended.. okay, maybe it was). 

Never been more lost, but I'm also more aware of the person I am becoming. I think I've grown as an individual. Its amazing what you learn about yourself when you take away the places and people who have molded who you've become. 

That is why I have to be HERE. Be in the moment, and live it up. I can't stop!